Excuse Me, Who dis?

We all have those moments where we look back at our past selves and be like, “bruh if you don’t getcho lifeee!!!” Your past self is such an embarrassment to the present you, epecially when you look back at the people you used to call ‘close friends’ or date…..issa shame. I am convinced there was something wrong with me back then.

Yester night, when I was youtube and chilling, I get a call from an unknown number. I look at it like…

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#AfricanMums
I pick up and first of all…that accent bruh… Where are people collecting foreign accents from because I would like to place an order for a Scottish one, please. It was an old highschool friend… I am so tempted to put that friend in quotes but naah, she’s not a friend but also not an acquaintance…more of an in between. We need a name for that stage.

So this girl, (mami if you ever read this, no hard feelings. We are past this but issa funny story) This girl, udaku ndio yake. Gossip fam…nothing got past her. AND I WAS SO FUCKING STUPID because I would be there bringing her stories, wrapped up in this web of gossip. Tbh, gossip isn’t worth it fam.

*Drake voice*

oohh don’t do it. Please don’t do it…

let’s call this girl White. So white, another girl called Black and myself formed a clique. A very stupid clique. The only thing we had in common was we were all in the same house in school, White and I were in the same class and Black knew some people I met during Drama Festivals. Black and White would tell me all sorts of stories about those boys and another girl in my class who liked them and the extents she would go to please them.

When all hell broke loose and this other girl got wind of the story, it had been twisted in ways i couldn’t fathom…I still can’t till this day but whateveerrr fam, life went on. When this girl got the story, it was changed and as far as she was concerned, I was the one spreading all those stories about her. She refused to believe it was White and Black who were doing the talking. The whole school knew I was the villain in this story, yet all I did was listen. Well, I was on the wrong for listening..but still. White and Black completely snaked me and denied the whole story. No one wanted to talk to me, I had no friends…it was hard. But I learnt my lesson the hard way and boy did it stick!

Back to yesternight… White called talking about I miss you, I have udaku for you….

Bih, no! No you don’t. I don’t want it! I don’t need it. Stay away from me…

Would you beleive she even had the audacity to remind me about the whole ordeal….

boy, if you don’t get….

Anyway, I was kinda happy to hear from her but I’m not about to forget it all. . I know if she reads this she is gonna be so maaaadddd haaaaaahaaaa. Sorry, mami. issa truth. I’ll listen to what she has to say, if it gets into the nitty-gritty, isty-bitsy dirty details of people’s lives…imma have to cut it there. Can’t have a repeat of the past now, can we?

Beware of these people, kids. SAVE YOURSELVES! Save your reputation. Save your peace of mind. We did that girl dirty, it haunted her till the very last day of high school but I had to swallow my pride and clear the air between us. We aren’t friends but there’s no bad blood. If it still troubles her well… damn, what do you want me to do? Climb the mountains in Tibet and shout to the world? No. If she still feels about it, too bad. Ain’t nothing I can do now.

Just be careful of the people you come into contact with. People be snakes out here. People pretend. People lie. People are manipulative. Mo’fos don’t give one fuck, two fucks, green fucks or blue fucks. Watch your back, all you have is you.

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