There’s something about the finality of things. You knew it was going to happen one way or another, you start preparing yourself early to mitigate the effects, you convince yourself that you’ll be strong enough…then finality sets in after it actually happens.
The mixture of emotions:- confusion, hurt, pain… You want to cry but you don’t know how; your brain can’t process that emotion. It blocks out everything, lowers your attention span, drifts you off to Culloden Moor for the battle of Brain vs Heart begins.
I knew it was bound to happen but I hoped we would have tried to work through it. I tried to convince myself that it was just a bad patch. I tried picturing us together 6 years later remembering this phase of depression and poor mental health…..but now I see I was just avoiding the thought of actuality and reality.
We weren’t compatible. We didn’t bother figuring out the true versions of each other and thus like the flap of a butterfly’s wings, we set into motion a sequence of events leading to this very moment of heart ache.
3 hours have passed by since I read your text…and with every minute it sinks in further…and finality…such a bitch…sets in. I had learned to love you but it didn’t seem to be enough to conquer all trials and tribulations. Unfortunate…
I hope you’ll carry a piece of me like I have of you. I’ve learned so much in these 3 months…and I think they’ll make me a better person. I’m sorry it had to be like this, I hoped you would be the one. But “the one” doesn’t seem to exist.
Good-bye M. Lune… For all the times you shone bright for me at night, touch the stars.